OMGWTFBBQ Help!
by Ahna
Summary: Eight years after his fight with Naruto, Sasuke's under Orochimaru's control and is back in Konoha. But now he's having problems in his mind with his ruler. What's a boy to do?
1. Chapter 1: Lyk, His Return!

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters in this story.

He was sitting at a bar, and was on his second drink. He wore a black jacket, and his duck butt-colored hair hung limply down to below his shoulders.

Two girls came up to him there, both looking as though they had decided to go for 'whore' instead of kunoichi.

"Hey, guy, are you up for some fun?" They both draped themselves over opposite shoulders.

"Get away from me," he mumbled.

"Hmm? What was that?" the other woman asked.

"I said, get away from me," he said, a bit louder.

"No, you look like you need some cheering up!" The first girl leaned in close to Sasuke's cheek, about to kiss him.

"Get away from me!" he bellowed and slung them from him and into a table on the opposite wall of the bar.

The room got quiet, and Sasuke, breathing deeply as if from a bad fight, could feel the stares.

"Sir, we aren't looking for trouble here," the bar tender said coolly.

"I wasn't, either," Sasuke mumbled under his breath as he went to the door to exit the bar.

Two steps from the door, he paused. Everyone kept their eyes on him. His knees bent, and he fell to the ground with a loud thud.

After a moment where the only sound was Sasuke's breathing, he broke out into spasms. All of the other customers leaned away from him. He was thrashing on the ground, wailing.

"This could be problematic," said the bar tender, and leaned out the window to call for someone to bring the medic ninjas.

* * *

Sasuke awoke in a white room with nothing but white sheets around him. He let out a moan, just to get someone's attention. A female in a white medic's uniform came in.

"You're awake! That's handy. We were starting to think we would have to dump you outside without you waking up."

"How long have I been here?" His voice sounded gruffer than normal to his ears.

"Only about 9 hours, actually. They brought you here from that bar. Said you were having spasms," she stated calmly as she went around checking monitors.

"I was having spasms. Is that all they told you?" he asked.

"They said you were moaning out gibberish and that the only thing they could understand were the words 'Orochimaru,' 'mind,' and 'rape.' Were you hurt some time recently sir?" She flipped through her notebook as she asked.

"No. How soon can I leave?" he asked, leaning up in bed. The sheet fell from him, displaying his torso.

The nurse blushed and turned away from his pale skin. "Maybe this afternoon, if nothing seems wrong with you at that time."

Sasuke snorted with irritation.

The nurse turned her head to see if he was presentable. The sheet was still by his waist, and he was stretching casually. "Sir, I need to leave you now to attend to some of the other patients."

"Whatever," he said, and lied back into the bed. The nurse left him to his little white cubicle.

"God, this is annoying," he said to himself as he lay in the bed with his hand behind his head. "But being back in Konoha could be interesting." He flipped onto his side and fell asleep.

The patient on his right peeked out from behind her while cloth separator. "I thought that voice was familiar," Sakura whispered. "Naruto should be interested."


	2. Chapter 2: hElp me, BLondie

Sasuke remembered the last time he had gotten in an incident like this. It had been at a bar in the Village Hidden in the Grass. He had been watching the drunks make fools of themselves. As he had risen to use the restrooms before leaving, he had felt eyes on his back. He remembered turning slightly before it went black and he had awoken in a hospital bed. The nurse there had told him something about having spasms and moaning, also.

He was walking the streets of Konoha, having left the hospital an hour ago. He had requested the address of Uzumaki Naruto before leaving, though, and he thought he might be getting close now. He had passed many people while walking through the streets, and there were a few that he thought looked familiar. He didn't know why he had chosen to visit Naruto; it would have been more useful to have gone shopping for a new outfit and hair style. His pale skin, long raven hair, and black jacket that just screamed "look at me in all my gothic angst glory!" were very recognizable. But then Naruto might not recognize him.

"Ah," Sasuke said. He had found the address of the apartment building. Now the fun would really start.

* * *

Even though Sasuke was a great ninja, his distractions kept him from realizing that he was being followed. Sakura, wearing a totally wonderful skirt that went to her knees with slits up the side and a pair of shorts underneath with a blue shirt that showed her lovely womanly charm and her pink hair in a pony tail but had bangs over her large forehead and her forehead protector under her bangs and did I mention the outfit was totally wonderful, thanked Tsunade's training and the large amount of Saturday traffic. Sasuke was going right where Sakura expected him to, and it gave her a strange sense of pleasure. Naruto was going to meet the one boy he had hated, chased, and missed. Sakura was pleased with finding Sasuke on her own, but her stomach was doing flips over worrying about Naruto's reaction.

Into the building went Sasuke, and Sakura follwed a bit after. She saw him on the second floor's landing of stairs, headed for the next. She hurried after him.

When she peeked past the corner on the sixth floor, she saw Sasuke waiting coolly outside of the apartment that Sakura knew to be Naruto's.

"Who is it?" came a voice from the apartment.

Sasuke didn't reply.

Naruto opened the door wearing only his orange pants. One hand scratched his blonde hair, the other perched on the door knob. He stood with a questioning look on his face.

"Do you remember me?" Sasuke said.

Something clicked in Naruto. His expression went from question to shock.

Sakura found herself with her mouth open, about to say, "Yes, you bastard, he remembers you."

"I guess my outfit could confuse you," Sasuke sighed and reached up to grab his hair up into the style he had in his adolescent days.

"N-nn," was all Naruto could get out to begin with, then he got stronger. "No," he first whispered, then louder, steadier, "No, Ssauke. I remember you."

"Good, then I have something to--." He stopped mid-sentence. His eyes were large and his body rigid. Sakura didn't know what to think.

He bent around himself and clutched his head while letting out a blood curdling scream. "No! Stop it! N-nnn-n!" he yelled. His voice made eerie echoes in the hallway of the tall building.

_Just like the nurse was talking about…_ Sakura thought.

Ssuke lookup up through his obvious pain and into Naruto's eyes. Naruto could see al the angst build up inside of the handsome man, all through his jet black orbs.

"Mind rape. Make it stop, Blondie," Sasuke mumbled before falling head-first into Naruto's groin.

"Holy crap!" Naruto yelled.

Sakura burst from her hiding spot to see if her skills were needed.

And Sasuke was writhing in pain. "Leave. Get out. Stop playing with me. Stop mind-raping me, Orochimaru!"


End file.
